Faize Sheifa Beleth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
symbologic) wrote2016-04-13 08:25 pm
symbologic) wrote2016-04-13 08:25 pm
Entry tags:
>>Week 9; Monday, after motive; Hajime Hinata
[One unnecessary breakfast reference and a quick trip upstairs later, Hinata and Faize are, once again, closed off inside Faize's room to talk about a motive that struck a little too closely. Faize is having the weirdest sense of reverse deja vu right now.]
[...he still really doesn't want to talk about it though. Even though he's accepted the inevitable and agreed to come upstairs, he doesn't immediately tell Hinata what he saw in the crystal ball. He fidgets with his sleeve a little as he takes a seat on the edge of his bed. His room is much the same as it always is, though Hinata will notice an open jar of origami stars on his bedside table that's definitely a new addition. For some reason, there's a single star sitting on the table itself, next to Alisha's paper flower.]
Before I...answer your question, can I ask you one of my own?
[Is he trying to delay? Yes. Yes, he is.]
[...he still really doesn't want to talk about it though. Even though he's accepted the inevitable and agreed to come upstairs, he doesn't immediately tell Hinata what he saw in the crystal ball. He fidgets with his sleeve a little as he takes a seat on the edge of his bed. His room is much the same as it always is, though Hinata will notice an open jar of origami stars on his bedside table that's definitely a new addition. For some reason, there's a single star sitting on the table itself, next to Alisha's paper flower.]
Before I...answer your question, can I ask you one of my own?
[Is he trying to delay? Yes. Yes, he is.]
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Instead, he just moves to take a seat, though instead of taking his usual bed, he just sits on the same one Faize is on. Not on top of him or anything, closer to the opposite end than the other boy, but still there Ready to offer tangible support if he needs it.
He's not expecting a question from Faize, though, and it shows on his face as he glances toward him.]
Yeah, of course. What is it?
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Back in the lobby, did my eyes...do anything odd?
[Oh hey. He's aware of that now, when did that happen? He actually looks vaguely worried about, weirdly enough.]
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[Well, it would be kind of weird if Faize didn't know about the eye thing from the start. It had just never seemed important to mention it, though Hinata just hums. This isn't the kind of question he was expecting, and he's certainly not going to forget the real reason he asked Faize to join him up here.]
Yeah, they did. It's not the first time I've seen you do it, but... they turned red.
[Wait, hang on, he looks... worried about it? What kind of weird Eldarian thing did Hinata get himself roped into talking about now...]
Is everything okay?
[Well, no, it's not, he knows that already. But for the immediate moment, is Faize going to hold together. That's the important question.]
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Please do not tell Astrid about that. Hopefully she did not see for herself, as I'd rather not endure another one of her punches over something I have no understanding of or control over. [He drags his hand down his face.] How many other times has it happened before now? That you have seen, at least?
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[Why... was Astrid punching him?? He's a little annoyed about that because wow, who goes around punching his best friend for something that he can't control? Wtf Astrid, wtf. Not that Hinata could actually do anything about it, except maybe get punched for his trouble if he tried complaining to her about it.
No understanding of, though. That's what furrows Hinata's brow as he glances sideways to the other, clearly a little concerned.]
Well... it seemed to happen whenever you were, you know... distressed or upset about something.
[That's the only time Hinata's seen it, after all.]
What did you see in the lobby today, Faize...?
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Mmmm...she believes it's a physical manifestation of emotional repression. But obviously I cannot see for myself when it happens so...it's difficult to know for certain.
[You can't look at your own eyes, unless you're looking in a mirror. Not that he hasn't tried standing in front of a mirror and trying to force it. Which has not worked at all because he's not 100% sure how to make it happen.]
[Dammit, though, Hinata, why are you back on the crystal ball?! Why can't we keep talking about his weird alien eye shit? Faize is quiet for a few moments, eyes fixed on the floor. Finally, he says simply:]
Myself. [A beat.] Except...stronger. More powerful.
[On a scale of one to ten, how shocked are you to NOT hear "ultimate knowledge"? Apparently the deepest desire of Faize's heart is something a little more unexpected.]
I saw myself with enough power to protect anyone and anything, present and future. Be it from physical threats or from less tangible foes. Sadness, pain...things that are not actions in and of themselves, but rather the results of the actions of others. [He shifts his gaze from the floor to his hand, closing it into a fist.] If Katerina truly can deliver on this promise, I could stop the suffering of others, singlehandedly.
[Faize, this is a completely unrealistic desire, pure-intentioned though it may be.]
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[That's all he can say for a long few seconds, exhaling through his nose and leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands in front of him. On one hand, Hinata can completely understand, understand enough that it almost hurts. On the other... Faize is infinitely more selfless than Hinata could ever be, and that's a little humbling. Why you gotta be so Pure, Faize.
But there's multiple flaws in that scenario. He just needs a few seconds to organize his evidence to shoot them open. After a moment, he just laughs, quietly and without much humor.]
You know... for someone who says he doesn't understand emotion, you're... the most emotional guy I've ever met.
[He doesn't mean it as an insult, really! What he means is "empathetic."]
But you know... there's no way Katerina would give you that kind of power, even if she were able to. I mean... it would put a stop to her twisted "game," wouldn't it? And besides... even if you could do all that...
[He pauses again, lips twisting into a frown as he tries to figure out how he wants to phrase it. Because on the surface, it sounds really, really good. The ideal, even. But...]
If you think about it... protecting people from sadness and pain... you could be taking away really good experiences at the same time, don't you think? Nobody should have that kind of power.
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[Faize is quiet for a while, letting Hinata's words sink in. Can Katerina or her sin posse grant this wish? His brain says no. At least, not in the way that he desires. There would likely be stipulations, restrictions...something like that. He's not exactly right that it would stop Katerina's game. He wouldn't get his prize until everything was over, after all, and it does not work retroactively. He would only be able to protect the present and the future, not the past. But outside the context of the game...surely there would be other drawbacks.]
[But that isn't the part he chooses to comment on first. They can come back to it later, after Faize addresses the wish itself and its supposed "flaws". Scuze u, this is a perfect wish? No flaws here. It's perfect and ideal and there is no reason to look past the surface.]
Would I truly? Even if there is some good that comes from a moment of suffering...wouldn't it be better to sacrifice it for a greater, truer happiness?
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[Hinata's not dismissing it out of hand, he's honestly asking, glancing toward Faize again. He really does want to know the other's opinion, after all.]
Like... for the sake of argument, let's say you have all these powers. You had them before this "game" even happened. You'd prevent it, wouldn't you? Because you... wouldn't want everyone here to go through that kind of pain and suffering. Even if there's a chance everyone who was killed could come back... it's better if it never happened in the first place, right?
But then... I'd never have met you. Or Roxy, or Poland, or Lithuania. Or Alisha. And maybe it's selfish, but... Even with everything that's happened here, I think... it's worth it. To get to meet all of you.
[After all, in this ideal world Faize is trying to paint, he'd be back in the Reserve Course, just... existing. Trying to clutch at the coattails of people with talent.]
And I think... experiences, even bad ones, are what makes us us, you know? It sounds nice, this perfect world you'd be able to create, [assuming Katerina could even deliver,] but you know... I don't think I'd want to live there.
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It was...so much easier to say that, weeks ago. [There's a rueful tone to his words, seemingly self directed. He'd told Alisha almost that...when was that? It seems so long ago. So much longer than a matter of weeks. And here he is now...basically saying the exact opposite. That it'd be better if none of this had ever happened.] I...
[...]
[.......]
[He doesn't know what. He doesn't know what else to say. Because Hinata is right, and he knows it. But at the same time, he just wants the pain to go away. His pain. Hinata's pain. Alisha's pain...everyone. Because there's not a single person here who hasn't suffered in some way over this stupid game. And it's not fair. It's not right. Worst of all, there's nothing he can do about it. He's too weak.]
[After a moment, he just sighs, letting go of his shirt and just seeming to kind of deflate entirely.]
...you're right, of course. I know that. Just like I know that, powerful though they are, neither Katerina nor these "patron sins" cannot truly grant my desire. Surely, if they were capable of something like that...we wouldn't be in this situation at all. I know this, and yet... [He shakes his head with a self-depreciating little laugh.]
My heart is just too weak, I suppose. There is nothing else you could call it, for considering something like this. Even for a moment...
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[It's quiet, far from his usual exclamation when he refutes a point, but it's no less firm. It's immediate, too, meaning he doesn't take any time to think about phrasing it carefully, instead just saying what comes to mind.]
I think it's the opposite, Faize. You care about everyone so much... instead of your desire being about you, it's about how much you could do for other people. I think... I think your heart is really strong.
[Okay, wait, that sounded corny and like something right out of one of Undyne's favorite anime. ...Ugh, Undyne. 8(
Rather than risk losing any more cool cred, he just kind of shifts on the bed, turning to face the other boy more completely, and grab his arm to tug him into a hug. Nobody asked for this, and Faize's ear cuffs are probably jamming right into his chest, but listen. This is going to help, maybe.]
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[Faize had actually begun to turn to look at Hinata. To tell him that that isn't at all what he meant by "weak". Caring about others isn't a weakness at all. He's said that so many times these past few months, and that's something he'll never change his mind about.]
[He's weak because 1) there's nothing he can do to help. Not significantly. Not in the capacity he wishes he could. Sure, he made Hinata feel better about his lack of talent. And, clearly, he did some things right with Alisha, for her to have trusted him as much as she did. But...that's really it. And it's not nearly enough, he's come to find. He's also weak because 2) for the briefest of moments, he was actually tempted to murder for something like this. And it's shameful. He's gone all this time without even being remotely tempted by Katerina's motives, and now...]
[But he doesn't get to say any of this, because apparently it's hug time now. Again. Once he's gotten over the surprise of being so suddenly being pulled into Hinata's arms, he just gives a defeated sigh and shakes his head a little, hugging him back.]
I am beginning to wonder if perhaps the true purpose of these hugs you are all so fond of is to dissuade from argument. The action certainly does make doing so somewhat difficult.
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It wouldn't be a motive if it weren't tempting. But when Faize hugs him back, Hinata doesn't bother to present his points, just laughing quietly.]
Hey, whatever works, right?
[Maybe he should just go to Eldar and implement a course on platonic affection as a means of comfort. Surely there are lots of people who would benefit from that.]
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There's no harm in polite, well-meaning argument, Hajime.
[Pr...obably. Start with the government-raised future nuclei like Faize. They're honestly probably the worst off.]