symbologic | >>Week 7; Monday, 12pm; Hajime Hinata

[Dude? Let go?? Give him his wrist back, he's coming! His grip is still tight on that black folder, though. Doesn't seem like he intends to let go of it any time soon.

When the door closes, he opens his mouth, looking just as annoyed as Faize does, though for an entirely different reason.]

I'm... I'm telling you, Faize, it's fine. Don't worry about it, there's no way...

[He trails off and clutches the folder more tightly, bending its edge.]

You'd think with everything they're capable of, they'd be able to think of something better than just making something up.

[Don't lie to him, Hinata. That just makes him worry even more. You are his brother in betrayal and he cares about you??? Who else can you confide in, if not Faize??]

For something you know to be a lie, you certainly seem quite distressed. So forgive me if I do not believe you when you claim to be fine.

I mean... they even went through the effort of making it look like a file from my school. That's the only explanation for this, right?

[And he holds up the folder as if he hadn't heard a word Faize had said. Rude??]

But there's no way they just... took a single file from Hope's Peak. What's the point? They should know by now that there's no way I'm going to kill anyone for this, not when... not when there's so much else at stake.

[Faize glances warily towards his TV. Ugh...she's probably listening right now, isn't she? At least they aren't really talking about any particularly sensitive information, but...still. He was happier not knowing that Katerina is capable of listening in on even their most private of conversations.]

Yes, I am certain they are well aware of that fact. But failing to give you a convincing motive would be rather suspicious.

[Faize sighs and takes a seat on the edge of his bed, fixing Hinata with a look that all but says "please, continue." Get the rant out of your system, friend. He'll just sit here and listen till you're done. BECAUSE YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT LISTENING TO HALF OF WHAT HE'S SAYING. God, why are you so rude...]

It's not a real motive!

[He's so upset, voice shaking as the folder bends without an audible crack in his hand. That more than anything seems to snap him out of it, and he just sighs helplessly, moving to sit on the bed he usually sits on. This is basically his bed by now, isn't it...]

...It's got to be a lie. I mean... it doesn't make sense, Faize. I know I'm a Hope's Peak student, I know that, so why...?

[Except he doesn't know that, not really. And he shivers, dropping the folder to the bed and putting his head in his hands.

Maybe Faize should have just left this hot mess back in the lobby.]

[Yeah it's...it's pretty much Hinata's bed at this point, even if his hairs are no longer on the pillow thanks to room service coming in after Faize's room was searched.]

[His really hurts his heart to watch though. He's never seen Hinata so upset, and he's not entirely sure what to do to help. But he knows for certain that bringing him up here was the right thing to do! He absolutely could not leave this hot mess down in the lobby to deal with this alone.]

Why...what, Hajime? I am doing my best to try and understand, however, it is rather difficult to help when you keep talking around the issue. So, please...tell me what is in that envelope. What is it that troubles you so?

[Please?]

...

[He doesn't know what he's feeling right now. Logically, he knows he should just... ignore it. Try to dismiss it. Assume it's fake. But there's no point to them making something up like this, is there?

And then when Faize asks to see it, it's like a cold vice squeezing at his heart, a shuddering, uncertain fear that... Faize will believe it. That he'll know Hinata's nothing but... a backup student. A "revenue stream."]

...I... didn't tell you everything. About... my circumstances on the island, [he starts quietly, still keeping his head in his hands.] It just... didn't seem important.

[If Hinata were looking at him right now, he would be capable of all but seeing the question marks spinning around Faize's head. That...that explains nothing.]

...but it is important to this, I take it?

[Go on...]

I told you I can't remember my talent, but... that's not the only thing.

[Will he ever look up from his own hands... the truest question of the afternoon.]

It was... our "motive." It's why Hanamura was so desperate to see his mom again. It's... when we arrived on the island at first, we all thought we'd just gotten to Hope's Peak, right? But after... to try to get the killing started, we were told... that it had actually been some time since we'd been accepted to Hope's Peak. That all of our school memories had been taken away.

[He just laughs quietly, but still humorlessly.]

It sounds crazy, right? There's no way anyone would believe that. But... I mean, there had to be some truth to it. Even if I was the only one, it was the only way that me not remembering my own talent made sense, right?

[Ah... we're getting back to talent again. It's been a while since he's vocally stressed about his skills: none.]

[Once again, Hinata forgets at the wrong time that Eldar is way more technologically advanced than Earth. Erasing memories? That hardly sounds crazy to Faize. But he has enough tact to realize that he doesn't really need to correct that fact. So he just hums thoughtfully to show that he's listening and sorta??? agrees.]

Yes, that would be the logical conclusion to draw. So then...what's in that folder is a lie that...they would like you to believe you've forgotten?

...No one else forgot their talent.

[He repeats it, as if maybe repeating it might help Faize understand just how important this is to him. That he was the only one. And like always, every time he tries to remember it in vain, there's just a cold shiver that courses through his body, twisting his lips into an uncertain frown.]

If... If what the folder is saying is true, I'm... I was never a Hope's Peak student at all, Faize. I'm just... some talentless "Reserve Course" student.

[Well that would explain the skills: none. Hinata just grabs the folder and holds it out for Faize to take if he wants, because he really... doesn't want to say anything else right now. He doesn't exactly trust his voice to stop shaking, because admitting it aloud is... it can't be true, right?

Presumably there's an explanation of what the Reserve Course actually is in the folder, considering somehow Komaeda was able to give a breakdown of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

[Faize takes the folder but does not immediately open it. Rather, he fixes Hinata with a sympathetic look. He doesn't have to understand exactly what the Reserve Course is to tell how much that knowledge hurts Hinata. And "talentless" is enough for him to sort of get the picture, anyway. After as much as the other boy has talked up his fancy school and what a big deal it is to go there...]

[He sets the folder aside for now, getting to his feet and taking a few steps to close the gap between them.]

My apologies, if this is somehow the incorrect response to this situation... [You're getting a hug, Hinata. A slightly awkward one around your shoulders because Faize is still getting the hang of this hugging thing and also you're sitting down (at least that closes the height gap somewhat) but...a hug all the same. Because according to you, this is what Earthlings do when someone is upset?]

Edited 2016-03-29 12:26 (UTC)

[It hurts a lot. And Hinata can't even look at Faize after handing him the folder, instead squeezing his eyes tightly shut as his hands clench into fists. If Faize believes that it's true, then... that means everything Faize thought he knew about Hinata was wrong, wasn't it?

He's expecting disgust or condescension at the worst. Maybe derision? At best he's expecting disappointment, because who wants to waste time with some... nobody? There's a physical pain in his chest as he thinks about that, squeezing tightly like a cold vice and shortening his breaths.

He doesn't hear what Faize says, so when the other's arms wrap around him, he goes stock-still, eyes shooting open in shock. He almost doesn't know how to respond at first, mind racing through all the negative possibilities this could represent, but... it's just a hug, isn't it? So he leans forward, hesitantly, fully expecting the other to draw away. But when he doesn't, Hinata sucks in a breath and reaches with both arms, pressing his face against Faize's shoulder and doing his best to reach and drag him closer for a proper hug. He's not crying! He might not cry. But it does seem like Faize is doing something right with the hug.]

[Success. He did it. He did an Earth comforting interaction successfully. Just rolling on up the ladder of interstellar diplomacy here. Except...he's a little caught off guard when Hinata tries to pull him in closer. He doesn't pull away, but for a moment he does seem a little unsure about what to do.]

[Okay, so he's still got a little ways to go when it comes to this sort of thing. But lord is he tryin.]

[For a few moments, he says nothing. Just content to hug Hinata since that DOES seem to be helping and he's not certain anything he could say would really do anything, given the circumstances. But after a few moments, he does finally speak, in a quiet, calm voice:]

You are wrong, you know. [A beat.] Even if this is true...Hajime Hinata is more than just "some talentless Reserve Course student". Much more. [Hinata can't see it since he's got his face smushed into Faize's shoulder, but he can likely hear the soft smile that's crept onto Faize's face.] At least, that is what I believe. And I am certain I am not the only one who would say the same.

Edited 2016-03-29 13:27 (UTC)

...

[Hinata's quiet for almost a full minute after Faize speaks, just keeping his face pressed against Faize's shoulder and shaking. He's still not crying! It still just hurts, a profound longing and emptiness.]

You don't know that, [he mumbles finally, dragging in a ragged breath and still not pulling his face away from the other's shoulder. He can't look at him right now.] I'm... all my life, I've just wanted to be someone. T-to be a member of society. To be someone I could be proud of! Not some... not some fucking backup student!

[--Ah. He mad. At least he's finally feeling something other than pain, that's a start.]

[At that, Faize actually pulls back. He keeps his hands on Hinata's shoulders, but sorry, man, you can't keep hiding your face like this. If Hinata actually looks up, he'll see that the smile that was audible mere moments ago has been replaced with a stern frown. And when he speaks, there's a slightly icy edge to his words. Not as strong as it was when he told off Inaba last week, but enough to make it clear that he's at least a little offended.]

I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you truly believe that people like Poland and Lithuania... like Clover, Alisha, Urashima...that people like Roxy can only see worth in you if you have some spectacular talent. I understand that this is upsetting for you, I understand wanting to be somebody. To be a useful part of something greater than yourself. You have every right to be upset right now, but don't you dare insult us by saying that I do not know that much for a fact.

[Okay, we gotta get this out of the way before we start addressing everything else. Don't make him literally slap sense into you, Hinata...]

Edited 2016-03-29 16:06 (UTC)

[No he was comfortable there? Fuck you, he's still going to avoid your eyes.

Or, well, he was going to try. At being directly told to look at him, Hinata does, squaring his shoulders as if preparing an argument. But as Faize speaks, his entire expression falters, and his lips press tightly together. The chilled edge to Faize's voice hurts in its own way, of course, cutting into him and forcing him to listen, even if he doesn't want to hear.

He opens his mouth to try to argue that no, they all think I have a talent, but the words die in his throat before he can say them. He'd learned quickly those first few days that no one cared about Hope's Peak or what it stood for. No one cared about his forgotten talent.

And he takes a deep breath and rips his gaze away from Faize's, resting his elbows on his knees and grinding his palms into his eyeballs as if that might somehow help him erase what he'd seen.]

N-no, that's not... I know that, Faize, but how'm I... I'm just an ordinary person. I'm nobody important!

Edited 2016-03-29 22:56 (UTC)

[Maybe if you behave, he'll let you back into his shoulder. But this is important, so you gotta stop being such a blubbering goddamn ~~pansy~~ weenie and look him in the face when you talk to him.]

[Hinata's next response doesn't seem to make him any happier, however. In fact, his frown only deepens. And when he speaks, his tone is one of severe disappointment.]

Is talent really all that you use to judge the worth of a person?

[LET HIM WEEN!!!

He flinches at what sounds like an accusation, keeping his palms firmly pressed into his eyeballs.]

N-no, that's wrong, but I'm...!

[It's hard for him to put into words. It's different when it's him? And everyone else in this entire town has something special about them, even if for Sadie it's less talent and more her... everything else.

He's having some difficulty breathing, because now he's choking back tears more of frustration than anything else.]

I'm not like all of you guys. I'm not even... If I'm... if I'm really just Reserve Course, then my classmates... they wouldn't even be my classmates, Faize. What... what am I even supposed to go back to, if we all get out of here?!

[It was definitely an accusation. Good on you for noticing, friend. Sorry, but that just kind of struck an uncomfortable nerve. Because he DOES have talent. Lots of it. But he was under the impression that Hinata liked him because...he's him?? Not because he's talented???]

Forgive me, but it certainly sounds as though that is what you were trying to imply. Or is it that you mistakenly believe you can hold yourself to a completely different standard than everyone else?

[...oops, okay that was a little harsh, wasn't it? Yeah...probably. Faize sighs. Hold on, let him try that again. In a less accusatory tone. Melt that ice a little.]

Hajime...it sounds to me as though you put far too much stock in talent. Either that, or you are still selling yourself far too short. And perhaps I am the last person you want to hear that from, but I assure you...lacking talent does not make you nobody. I cannot stress this point to you enough. You are Hajime Hinata, and though you may be an ordinary human being, you are an admirable one. One that I am proud to call one of my closest friends.

Regardless of whether or not you have a great talent or none at all, that fact will not change. I admire you for the qualities you possess. Qualities that have nothing to do with any sort of quantifiable skill or ability. You are a strong person, Hajime. You are brave and loyal, kind-hearted and honest...and you always seem to know exactly what to do or say in any given situation, especially where the feelings or others are concerned. Relating to others in such a way... [He shakes his head.] that is not something that just anybody can do. And it's certainly not something that a nobody could accomplish. Truthfully, it is one of the things I admire most about you. At times, I even find myself envious of this ability of yours.

[Maybe framing it that way will make Hinata see it as something worthwhile?]

As to what you will do when we leave... [When. Not if. When.] Truthfully, that is something you will need to discover for yourself. However...I will at least say that a lack of talent is no reason to give up on these desires you have held for so long. [The whole "be somebody to be proud of", "be a useful member of society" thing.] With enough dedication and hard work, I believe that you can achieve them.

[Shoot for the stars, Earth boy.]

N-no, but...

[He can't refute any of these points, only weakly start to try when Faize says he holds himself to a different standard. Because when he puts it like that... it's true. He wants to hold himself up to the standards of a Super High School Level, because all his life, just being "ordinary"... it wasn't enough. Being average meant being ignored. And that was fine for other people, but if he wanted to amount to anything, he had to have something special about him. Something that would make people take notice, something that he could rely on as what he was meant to do, something he could finally be confident in.

Hinata might not be able to remember a lot of things, but... the more Faize speaks, the more Hinata comes to realize that he's never heard anyone say anything like that before. All the things he'd never taken notice of, because they were normal, because they were natural and never recognized... when Faize talks about it, it makes it mean something. That someone like Faize could truly admire him...

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, pressing his palms harder against his eyes to try to stem a sudden swell of tears. Is that all he'd wanted? Was someone to acknowledge him? Even he doesn't know, and he certainly can't answer. All he can do is gasp for breath, choking back his own tears without much success.]

[Faize hadn't expected Hinata to answer immediately. He'd ended up dumping quite the speech on him, after all. So it would be only natural for the other boy to take a few minutes to take it all in and process. So the silence, Faize wholly expected.]

[The tears on the other hand...not so much. That is not what he was aiming for at all, and since Hinata still has his face in his hands, Faize can't actually tell what kind of tears these are.]

[...shit.]

[Hinata, he literally just gone done telling you that he wishes he had your ability to comfort others. He has no idea what he's supposed to do here.]

U-uhmm... [HOW DOES HE MAKE THE TEARS STOP? This is different than when Alisha came and cried on him a few weeks back. That wasn't his fault. He could just give her a tissue and say a few reassuring things and bam, problem solved.] I-It was not my intent to upset you further. But as I said, this is not an area in which I excel, so if you would prefer to speak to...someone else...

[Fuck, anybody would be a better option than Faize here.]

Or even if you would just prefer to be alone, that is perfectly understandable as well, and I will leave without another word.

...

[God damn it Faize, just let him have his cry in peace? Because when the other boy says that, clearly not understanding, Hinata can only laugh. It's a weird sound, to be sure, because laughing while crying at the same time? Not usually the kind of things that go together.]

N-no, Faize...

[Shit, he can't stop laughing now. He's on this emotional roller coaster and apparently can't get off, what the fuck. Let him off?? It's a helpless laughter as he shakes his head, trying to wipe his eyes with already-wet palms.]

I'm just... n-no one's ever... said anything like that to me.

......

[Oh thank god. Faize sighs in relief, letting out a short, nervous chuckle of his own. Okay, this is fine. He didn't make things worse, at least. Though he's not certain if this can truly be considered "better". He disappears briefly into the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues which he holds out to Hinata. Here bro. Your hands are too wet to dry your gross dangan tears.]

Even if they have never said so, I have little doubt that others have noticed. It is incredibly hard not to do so, after all.

[Ugh... thanks man. He doesn't take the box, instead just pulling a bunch of tissues out to try to clean up his face. Things might not be totally better, but they're certainly not worse.

It still hurts, an empty ache in the center of his chest to know that by the standards of where he comes from, he's nobody important. But maybe... maybe Faize is right. He's still shaking from the emotion, but at least he's not crying nearly as hard, just hiding his face behind the tissues.]

T-thanks... thanks, Faize, [he manages finally, when he trusts his voice enough to stay steady. It's a little hoarse, but it doesn't seem like he'll be breaking back into tears immediately, at least?]

[Faize smiles gently, inclining his head.]

Of course. I know that this is very difficult news for you, Hajime, but...so long as you keep moving forward in spite of it, you should be just fine. And know that I am here to assist you, in whatever way that I can.

[So...it'll be alright, man.]

[Difficult... it's almost funny again, how little that word really means. Lots of things are difficult, but this had seemed almost impossible. And... even with the pep talk, it doesn't mean he still won't stew on it. At least for now, though, he just keeps rubbing at his eyes and trying to sniff his snot back into his nose. Gross.]

I... thanks, Faize. [You said that already, dude.] ...I mean it. You're right, I just... have to keep moving forward and... do my best. We both will.

[Finally blows his nose into the tissues... still gross, but slightly less gross than trying to snot it back where it came from.]

[Ew...Hinata...das gross...]

[Faize doesn't actually say this though, but rather smiles even more brightly. Apparently agreeing that he has to keep moving forward was the right answer. He looks really pleased to hear Hinata say that.]

If ever you need to talk about it again, you know where to find me.

>>Week 7; Monday, 12pm; Hajime Hinata

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